


After the Hunger Games - Return home

by everlaker



Category: The Hunger Games
Genre: F/M, Hunger Games
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-19 22:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 12,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3627174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everlaker/pseuds/everlaker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the revolution is over and the districts have won. Katniss and Peeta return to district 12. Katniss needs help from Haymitch, so she writes him a letter explaining how she now feels about Peeta.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Letter to Haymitch

So it's over. The districts have won. The mockingjay is the only a symbol now. A symbol of hope and freedom. I have nothing left to do in district 13. Gale has gone to district 2, he got a great job there. Peeta and I returned home. We are slowly growing back together. One day Peeta comes to my place in the Victors Village, were I pretty much live alone if you don't count the visits of Greasy Sae. We are in my bedroom.

Then he asks me '' Katniss, will you stay with me ?'' I recognise my words, I use to ask this from him in the train, and he would say as I now reply, I hear my voice crack. '' Always'' He comes to my bed and puts his arms around me. I give him a gentle smile.For awile he just lay there. His face is concentrated like the way he paints. He thinks for a moment . Then he starts ''There are a lot of things I don't understand, that happened which I'm unaware or unsure of - I stop him and say '' Do you want to play Jackson's game - He looks at me and continues '' Not tonight, but there is one question on my mind. I need to know. We are quiet.

'' You love me. Real or not ?''  
and I say '' Real''

I feel the same way I felt at the beach in the 75th Hunger Games. This is the part of Peeta I have missed most, when he is humble and honest about his feelings. So I kiss him. I can't stop myself. And I now I have never felt the same with Gale. Only Peeta can give me this feeling when I'm with him. His love is real and always has been. I wonder if I have loved him all along like Finnick said. I was just not smart enough to realize it until I lost Peeta. The next day we are closer, closer than ever before. He wakes me up by kissing my forehead and then my lips. I get dressed, and we head to the woods. We go to the river. When we come home Peeta starts baking. I sit on the couch and think. I haven't had much time to think. Now I know how much I'd hurt his feelings we would fake a marrige. He wanted it to be real. Now I understand and I write to Haymitch.

Dear Haymitch,

I have settled with Peeta. I feel truly guilty for the arranged marriage. He wanted it to be real ... and so do I.

Please, call me

Katniss


	2. Chapter 2 -  Phone Call with Haymitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haymitch has got Katniss's letter. He decides to call her. Katniss has a favor to ask him ...

Haymitch: Hi Sweetheart

Katniss: Haymitch ! You got my letter ! 

Haymitch: You've changed ... in a good way. He needs you Katniss. I never thought I'd say this but I have to agree with Finnick. With no doubt your love is real.

Katniss: Oh, Haymitch, I feel I need him, maybe more than he needs me.

Haymitch: What you gonna do sweetheart ? 

Katniss: Get married

Haymitch: For real this time ?

Katniss: Yes, for real.

I laughed, I remembered the first advice Haymitch gave me, stay alive, I guess his sense of humor has at least remained. And then we talked about all the stuff Haymitch would have to bring from the Capitol. 

Haymitch: Let me see, only one ring ?

Katniss: Yes. For Peeta.

Haymitch: And you expect him to get you a ring from where ?

Katniss: No. I already have a ring. The pearl he gave me at the beach (Greasy Sae knows a guy who will put it on the ring)

Haymitch: Wow. Was not expecting that. You ... I'm speechless.

(I for a while for him to get his thoughts straight )

Haymitch: ... speechless and proud

( And he bursts into tears but regains him self quickly)

Haymitch: I'm so happy for you two. Ok. Lets get back to the ... list. You never mentioned a cake so I was wondering -

Katniss: Oh Haymitch, I thought you'd know better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading !
> 
> Feel free to give feed back. I'll be uploading more chapters !


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss is reflecting and gathering courage to do what she must. Her thoughts still go sometimes of topic but at least she won't forget.

I wonder how mom will react to me getting married. She never thought I'd get married, neither did I. Well, I had never even kissed a boy before Peeta in the Games. I technically got a reaction but it was fake, just like our love story to me back then. I want a real reaction. But not only from mom. For all the people I knew, it was an act, a joke and every time I think of it, it's like someone stabbed me in the heart. It hurts more than physical damage could ever do to me.   
Wounds will heal if you give them time, but your heart never will.

\- My grandma said so, to my mom who told me this. Only now I understand the meaning of it. My mother sometimes said that when she talked about Dad but in only few occasions she talked about him, so we didn't hear it much. For some reason it stayed in my mind even thought it's been years since I last heard her say it, it's like the Hanging Tree song, I didn't hear it much but it had so much meaning it stayed with me.

Except for Peeta it wasn't an act until I made clear it was. I had broken his heart. And I didn't realize it until he had broken mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so bad at thinking of names for these chapter if you have ideas please comment :)  
> ( -> next chapter will be a lot longer)  
> P.S. do you guys think I should put like shorter chapters together ?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss is nervous. She is finally gonna do it. She takes Peeta to a very special place to make it special so they won't forget. There is also other things she needs say. Katniss's thoughts are still running of topic. But lucky she has Peeta who is the only person who has gone through the same. He has seen same as Katniss. He has been there for her when she asked him to stay. Now it's Katniss's turn to stay. He has waken her up from her worst nightmares. He has seen the worst and the best of Katniss.

The ring I ordered from Haymitch has arrived. I put it in my pocket and sit next to Peeta. I suggest we go watch the sunset in the meadow. I tell him want him to also see the meadow. It's a very special, beautiful place. Maybe he could paint it. Peeta as always never objects. We lay there. The smell of grass in my nose, Peeta holding me gently and stroking my hair which is open today, not braided. As he is stroking my hair he says '' I wish I could freeze this moment --  
'' And live it forever'' I finish for him. '' Yeah'' he smiles. It's the same smile as before the quarter quell. I don't know how on earth can I remember that. It's just one of those things you can't forget about Peeta. '' I think I'll allow it'' I say. We both laugh. I never really thought Peeta could be a person I could laugh with. I mean he was my opponent in the Games.

Then I sit, and so does he.'' There is something bothering me'' I say. Peeta looks at me. A little bit confused and deeply, as if he was trying to read my mind. He is so concentrated. Not missing a word I say. " What" he finally asks.

"Well, you said you didn't want to forget, and I guess I agree, but there is this one thing a can't forget, which I want to forget." I say

Peeta is still confused. No, that's an understatement he is even more confused. Maybe a little shocked that I'm suddenly the talkative one, I've found my words.

" Faking a marriage, it was wrong of me - to even suggest- and I want to apologize. Please forgive me Peeta.'' I say

Peeta is such a good listener. Even what I'm saying is very complicated. He doesn't seem to find his words. I don't even know if he knows what to think. After a while he just says " Oh" 

I stand up as a sign, we should leave. Peeta stands up too. Then I decide it's now or never. What ever his response will be, I have to take a chance. Peeta was always the one to take a chance. Time after time, even thought the first time I was going to strangle him. I get down on my knee, put my hand in my pocket where I left his ring and take it out, I hold it up. I say '' Peeta Mellark, will you marry me ?'' Then I realize I don't even know his middle name. Peeta holds his breath. A little teardrop crumbles in his eye and softly, slowly flows down to his red blushing cheeks. He says "of course" . I put the ring on his finger. I've never seen him happier. My Peeta is truly happy. I think maybe he needs me as much as I need him, I just never thought of that. Peeta is a good actor he can cover up with a charming smile when he is broken. Then I remember what my grandma said to me once:

" The most broken people are the ones who smile the brightest''

She said this when grandpa died. Mom never said this. I wish I would have been wiser then. Suddenly things she use to say make sense to me. I never knew how broken he was, because I was just as broken. I hate myself for being so selfish. No maybe not selfish just so blind I couldn't see what was right in front of my eyes. But now he is smiling even brighter than ever before. Sometimes people smile when they're happy too. I understand my mother and grandma better now. How they must have felt when dad and grandpa died. They must have loved them just as much as I love Peeta. Peeta who is soon to be my husband. Then I notice him looking at me. My flow of thoughts suddenly goes away my mind is blank. I look at Peeta's blue eyes, and all I know is I love him. And for the first time with no cameras, we kiss. It's a long kiss, but it feels to be over too soon. I know it's long because the sun is down. I realize I haven't had contact like this with him in a long time. When it's over I take his hand in mine and feel the ring, and the warmth he share I don't want to lose it. Then I say " This is the moment I would have frozen'' then Peeta says " You certainly proved me wrong, Katniss". He has found his words because they come out instantly, with no filter of his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters look so short to me. Do you guys like them short? Or do you prefer longer?


	5. At home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta and Katniss walk home from the meadow. They still have a lot talk about. They have all night to themselves. There is one problem left. Katniss's ring ?

When we get home Peeta is looking at his ring. " It's beautiful, thank you " I smile. Suddenly he looks at my hands. First I wonder what is he looking at. Then I understand. " But Katniss - he says " You don't - " " Peeta, I do" I walk to my desk, I see Peeta's eyes watching my every move. I open the middle locker and take out a small box. It has an even smaller tiny box inside it. I sit next to him and open the box. Inside is a ring which I let him place on my index finger. "You really have thought of everything- But then he sees it. His eyes are frozen. He stares in disbelief at the pearl. His is studying it the same way he would paint the sunset.  
" Is that -

I nod

" - The pearl you gave me at the beach" I finish

" I can't believe you kept it all this time" He says still astonished

" Even when you thought I was gone. When I was in Capitol." 

Just word Capitol gives me shivers. I pull my body closer to his. He puts his arm around me and whispers " sorry"

So many memories suddenly strike in my head. In the first Games apologized to me for having feelings for me after I strangled him. Before the second Games Peeta asked me if there is anything he should be sorry before we entered the arena. And now... He brings me to deeper thoughts of how much of his kindness I owe him. How Peeta always forgives me and then apologizes to me. I'm locked in my world of debts I owe him and favours I have to pay. I feel like my thoughts run off topic like this too many times. Aurelius( my doctor) says I just have to give it time.

" Katniss, ? "

He whispers

" Oh sorry, just got a little off track ...

" I know happens to me too" He says

Again out off all the possible words, and phrases Peeta has picked the right one. Comforting me.

 

" Ofcourse I kept the pearl", I say when I remember what we were talking about " it was a gift from the boy I love, the humble boy with the bread"

" Thank you. Well my ring reminds me of the girl on fire, which she could control in the end, even sometimes I was a little scared she couldn't" He smiles. I kiss him.

" So the invites ..."

I say.

" Not tonight Katniss. Tonight is our night. "

I think the best moments of your life our the simplest moments. Not the dashing parties the Effie always talked about. I forget my worries and just stay like I once asked Peeta to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To find out about Katniss's and Peeta's night keep reading !  
> More chapters are on tumblr : peetaandkatnissblog  
> \+ a lot of thg related stuff but you'll have to scroll throw it   
> sorry


	6. Long Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta and Katniss had a long night   
> \- What does Peeta mean by that ?

In the morning I find myself in my bed alone. But the blanket next to has been lifted. Did Peeta sleep next to me? Probably. I don't remember. All I remember from last night is us in the meadow, me pulling the ring out and Peeta saying yes. Suddenly Peeta walks in. " No nightmares" he asks. " No" I grin. " Well you looked pretty happy to me" he says. " That's because of you" I say. He walks back down stairs shouting " I'll be back in a sec!" He comes back with a tray with bread and milk. " Oh, you shouldn't have " I say. " Why not" he says. He comes to sit next to me. " When did you wake up to bake this ?" I ask. " Maybe around 8 or so " What he woke up at 8 ! Wait what is the time. By this time people are already up and the animals in the woods are hiding. " Oh god !" I shout without realizing it. " What ?" he asks " What"I repeat. " All the animals in woods are gone by now, Why didn't you wake me?" "You looked so happy I didn't wanna interrupt your sleep" he says casually. Peeta always says this sweet thoughts like it's nothing. " -Besides we had along night" Wait what. What does he mean by "long night". " What's the time" I ask. " 12 o'clock" he says. " Oh my God!, I've wasted like 6 hours of good hunting time" I say raising my voice. " Wouldn't call it wasting " he says again casually, with a little grin. Wait, i recognize those words. He said this to me before. I just can't remember when. I become more curious and unsure about last night. Finally curiosity takes over. " What happened last night ?" I ask " What do you mean Katniss, a lot of things happened last night" he says a little down like I'd have forgotten about the actual engagement. " I mean ... ( I clear me throat) in um bed." "Oh" he says surprisedly. " What" I ask again raising my voice. " Look Katniss, I hope you're not bad but ... " " But what Peeta ?" " The thing is we had a little drink ... vodka ..., at Haymitch's place, then you said something I can't remember what. And we were cursing the Capitol. Then um ... we were joking about Haymitch when we came back here and you said " If you really want sex will give it to you " "  
I gulped. I could feel my heart beat raising. " Katniss you were drunk" he says defending me. "Go on" I say " There's not much to say anymore but I guess I was a little drunk too, if it helps Katniss we had clothes, so you didn't see anything"

Oh no what have I done. Not only am I getting married, I have also lost my virginity. And drank vodka. Again. But this time I was drunk. What will my mom think. Now I remember Peeta's words - Wouldn't call it wasting- 

He said it in the first Games, when we were in the cave, cuddling. He didn't wake me up. I wanted to go to hunt, but he wanted to stay. But I can't think about that now. Then a new thought comes to my head. I wonder what it felt like. Sex. Never did it before. Missed that experience. What about Peeta ? And if I we were both drunk how could he remember it?

"Peeta ? I say " Yes" he says, sounding a bit bothered, probably hoping for me to lighten up the atmosphere. " If I couldn't remember last night how could you ?" " Well, some one from town came here to complain about noise ... and I asked what noise, and I think she must have been watching us or something because she told be me pretty much what I told you" he said. " OK, one more thing to worry about" I say taking my bag and bow. " Well, I'll try to shoot something" I lie. I'm actually going to the Hob. I need to talk to someone. Probably Greasy-Sae.


	7. What is real and what is not ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I should summaries much, I'll just spoil it. But I think it's safe to say in this chapter Katniss has a talk with the one person she can talk about it in D12, Greasy-Sae. Peeta had problems knowing what is real and what is not, Katniss has the same but finds out very soon answers to her questions, for some of them ... well enough for the time being.

I just need to think about something else now. Anything else. Anything but this. I see Greasy-Sae with her soupbowl. She waves at me. I wave back. " Katniss, coming for lunch" she shouts. " Yeah" I sit down. She brings me a warm bowl of soup. Then she sits down with me. I'm bad at starting a conversation but I'll try. Besides there's no one else in the district I can talk about this with " Greasy-Sae can I trust you with something" I ask carefully. " Yeah, sure" she answers " this is kind of a hard topic, it's complicated and I'll have to reveal a secret you must keep" I say " OK, I don't know where you're going with this but go on" she says " It all started yesterday, I felt sorry for the fake marriage we almost arranged, so I asked Peeta to marry me. He said yes. And then we were at home. And all I remember is waking up next to Peeta" I say. " Oh my gosh" Greasy-Sae says gasping, holding her breath " Congrats Katniss" she says trying to keep her voice down. " That's not really what I am here to talk about, you see this morning Peeta said we had a "long night" and I then when I asked what he meant by that, he said -  
"yes..." Greasy-Sae says encouragenly like all elderly ladies say.

" that we had been drunk, - that's not the worst part- " I say lowering my voice

" we had ... sex"

There is along pause. At least it feels like it. I finish my bowl of soup and continue.

" Then I asked him how he remembered and he said someone had stalked and complained about the noise"

" Katniss, I would probably be very ... um ... confused ... no but ... shocked if ...

" If what Sae " I insisted because I had to know what she knew.

" If I wans't the one he talked to " she gulps finishing her sentence

I don't know what to think anymore. All my thoughts are messed up. It's not like I had words but I'd like to have thoughts atleast. Why did it have to be her. Of all people her. What would this do to our friendship. But I was here to tell her anyway. Was she stalking us. Why would she do that. Maybe she never considered us as friends. 

" Katniss, I know this is hard for you to take in ... but you have a few details wrong "

What does she mean by that "few details". I think it's kind of like Peeta's "long night". Now that I think of "long night" maybe it was a little obvious. Why don't I just get this metaphors. This one is probably just as obvious.

" So the um ... sex thing ... ?"

" Yeah, you didn't have clothes"

I feel a sudden struck of pain in my heart.This morning Peeta was reassuring me we had clothes. Just yesterday I was thinking how wrong I had acted to Peeta. But now it's Peeta. How could he? He was using me. I had heard enough from Sae. I can't take it anymore. I'm going crazy. I do the only thing I know how to do. I run. I run as fast as I can.I don't care where. Just away. Far away. Into the forest. I repeat the order to my legs in my head - RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, Katniss, RUN ... I look back I left Sae with a confused look on her face. But she can't be more confused than me. I regret asking. Right now it'd be better to know less. But it's too late now.

I don't know how vodka or any other alcohol can "help" Haymitch. Well certainly not me. I only had it twice. And look what it has done to me. I run to the meadow. I feel so terrible inside. I bury my head in the grass. I remember cursing Peeta. F*ck you Peeta ! You sick son of a b*tch. He can't hear me. No one can hear me here. I think I fell asleep at some point.

I don't know how many hours I'd slept. But when I wake up I find Peeta next to me. "Where have you been Katniss" he asks sounding very worried. Then I remember what Greasy-Sae had been telling me. How could I forget?

A rage of anger strikes. He betrayed me. He used me. He is sitting next to me. I see the chance. I slam him to ground. I get on top of him. I'm just about to strangle him, when he grabs my wrists. I fight back. But he is still stronger. He rolls himself on top of me " What are you doing Katniss" he asks still holding my wrists tightly. " What were you doing" I scream at him. " Greasy-Sae told me everything". Peeta gets up pulling me with him. But I'm angry I hold back. I try to kick him but he docks on the last second. " Who's she" he asks calmly. I feel like I'm gonna lose it with him. " C'mon Peeta, the woman you talked to ! " I scream. I scream so loud I think I'll lose my voice soon. " Katniss, you need to calm down!"he shouts at me. " Let's just go home and talk there, okay" he says trying to calm himself down, impatiently. 

I remember kicking, screaming, hitting. I felt dizzy. The horizon started to move around me. Spinning. I remember hitting grass. So soft. Like I was drowning in it. Drowning in grass. All I see is green. Then it fades away only black and white are left. Black and white dots moving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit longer now !  
> I feel I've created a good twist just figuring out the solution for this uncomfortable situation.


	8. Chapter 9 - Psychology

" I volunteer ! Please ! Don't touch her! Take me! Just don't! Please i'm begging you" I scream. They are trying to take Prim away from me. Wait who is touching me. Shaking my hands. I know those hands. I know them too well. Suddenly I don't see Prim, I see Peeta.   
" Where am I" The only words I can make out.

" Katniss, you fainted, well after you recovered you immediately fell asleep, then when you started having nightmares, which you made pretty clear, I waked you up " He says sounding like a professional doctor. Like my mom. Except she is a nurse. Which in district 12 qualifies as a doctor.

I slowly get up. He suspects nothing. I slap him, on the cheek. I slap him so hard it leaves a burning read mark. A single tear drops from his blue eye. The room is so quiet I can easily hear it. Then I look around closer. What room is this. As I'm looking he grabs a my wrists firmly. It pains him to hurt me, because I can't move. Then he shouts " Haymitch". Haymitch comes quickly after his call. I only recognize him when I see his face.

He takes me to a white room. Deadly white and quiet. Every chair and table is white. There are not many objects. Only one table and two chairs. He tapes the other and says " Sit". He says it slowly like I'm some mental maniac. I'm not. Maybe a little damaged. But I'm not crazy. But I put up with him and obey his order. We sit there in silence. I notice a clock. It's black and white. How creative to bring another colour. It's ticking. The silence makes it the tik-tok noises louder. I'm anxious. I hope he'd break the silence and say something but I don't want to talk.

I notice Haymitch has a briefcase. The only other person I have seen with a briefcase was major Undersee. He opens it and pulls a stack of white papers out. They have a lot of black letters that form words, which form paragraphs. Then I see the title on the first page, " Psychological help for Miss Everdeen" I wonder what does that mean. What do I need help with. I don't like people getting into my business. What ever I need help with has obviously something to do with today, or was it yesterday, I have lost count. Then for my surprise I break the silence " What day is it ". Haymitch looks at me. Trying to read my thoughts. He examines me from head to toe. Then he says " 14th of June" I nod. Trying to look like I'm back on track. I look around the room to see if there is any cameras. I want to be sure. " Are they filming us ? " I ask. " Look at you, still the sharp one. No there's not. You can relax" he answers. " Ok " I say. What does he mean by relax. He must know. The whole world could know if he decides to tell anyone, if he already hasn't. "Has Peeta told you " I ask carefully. " Told me about what ?" he laughs. When he sees my shocked face he changes his tune " Just kidding. What did you think we're here to talk about" he says. I don't know what to say. Does he take everything as a joke. Well I'm not laughing. What if they're all laughing. Peeta, Haymitch ... Panem. " Does anyone else now ?" I ask " No, it's just Peeta who asked me to come, okay ? Now enough with the questions because I'm the one who'l be asking them" I sigh in relief. But I still think it's wrong of Peeta to contact outsiders in our personal lives. " Nice seeing you Haymitch" I get up and start walking to the door. He does no act to stop me from going. I find out why when I try to open the door. Locked. Of course. 

He shows me the chair, with is typical grin of victory. I think this must be illegal to lock someone in a room. But from my experiences worse has happened. " So Katniss, I don't know where to start" he sees looking at the paper. " Ok" he sighes. " Would you like to tell me about the night you and Peeta ... I mean from your point of view, what do you remember, why are you so mad " Does he have to start with this question. I wish we'd just remained silent. That'd be less akward.

" I proposed, like we had planed... then we went home"

" And then" he says 

" Then it was morning, I found myself sleeping next to Peeta, I asked him if we had sex. He said yes. Then he said that we had clothes. -

" And" 

" It's all your fault Haymitch ! " 

" How could you ?" I shout hysterically

" Excuse me ?" he tries to act polite

" I'm confused now" he says

" You're lying !" I shout. Haymitch is just sick. He thinks he can asks me all these questions and his the one to blame "

" Katniss, tell me " he commands

I take a few minutes to get myself back.

" Peeta told me you said we should have sex "

\---


	9. Still a mentor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haymitch's and Katniss's conversation ->  
> Can Haymitch have influence on Katniss's doing ?

\---  
Haymitch is totally speechless. But I'm not 100% sure why. Anyway he didn't see that coming.

" You probably have a lot to talk about with Peeta now, I mean he has betrayed me and you"

" You never said anything about Peeta being the one to blame"

I clear my throat. I've just pushed the questions back to. I'm not only mad at him and Peeta but also myself.

" Well, --- he was lying Greasy-Sae told me that he wasn't drunk and we didn't have clothes"

" Katniss, did it ever occur to you that if lied about that this'd be also made up "

Haymicth has done it again. Saved himself in the most clever way. It's another punch to my heart that I know he is telling the truth. So that makes Peeta a liar. The way Haymitch looks at me he can see that I know he is ringht.

" Anything else I should know before I give you advice "

" No, but I don't care for your advice like it ever helped "

" Still stubborn" he grins

" Anyway, just now Katniss that I'm here to help "

" Me or him ?"

" Both, but I'll start with you"

" Katniss, imagine that you're is hanging of a cliff "

" Haymitch, What does this have to do with anything " 

" Just do it "

I close my eyes.

" You're is in danger, and so is the person who helps you. What would Peeta do?"

" Help me "

" Why ?"

" I don't know. He is Peeta that's what he does" - What a silly question.

" Okay, what if it were some one else, say someone who you've never me. Could you be sure they'd help you ?"

"No"

"Why not, Katniss "

" They don't know me"

" If they did ?"

" No "

" Why not "

"They don't ... love ... me. "

" Yessss !"

" So I ask again, why would Peeta help you ?"

" Because he loves me " I say in a small voice hoping he doesn't hear me.

" And if you're positions were reversed ?"

" I'd help him "

" sure ?

" absolutely, because I love him "

" Okay, my advice... " he says

" Look Katniss, Peeta has been very patient with you and I think that he thought it'd be time for you two to do it. And when he came to me he was begging me to talk to you. If you really love him, forgive him, just give the boy a chance. I think he needs you more than you could imagine"

I start crying I can't help it. I made Peeta cry, beg. I imagine him running in the rain from the monster I've become. I don't know. I guess I just can't let people in without hurting them.

" Don't cry sweetheart " he says and hugs me. I collapse in his lap.

" Love is a pain in the ass " he says. I can't help myself from laughing. First it's just a girly giggle. My head is messed up. I'm sad but I'm happy, I'm nervous but a little more confident.

" I'm a mess Haymitch" I say sobbing on his shoulder. 

" Better a mess than a emotionless mutt " he says. And we both laugh. It's funny how much good advice someone like Haymitch might have. " I'm still your mentor" he says. " Yes you are " I say. I realize he has been holding be like this for awhile. I let go. " I think I should go now" I say trying to sound confident. 

" One more piece of advice before you do. Just remember, love is a pain in the ass. But if you don't have it, things will be much worse "

" Okay " I say and wave. Haymitch tosses me the keys. I open the door still drying me eyes. I take a deep breath. 

I see Peeta. I run into his arms. He looks happy and frightened at the same time. I shout " Peeta" We fall on the couch. I look into his blue eyes. He has been crying like me. I wrap my hand around his neck. I pull him close to me. He puts his arms on my waists. Tightly. Like saying I won't let go. It's like there's no one else in the world. Just me and him. He holds me in his arms. When we kiss slowly. It's like time has frozen. I taste pain, happiness, forgiveness and many feelings I can't even name. Above all love. An unexplainable feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter coming soon !  
> hope you enjoyed this one !  
> Please leave feedback !  
> If you also write Hunger Games fanfic leave me a link or something and I'll check it out


	10. Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta teaches Katniss how to bake. Katniss finds it a rather romantic activity she also discovers a new ingredient.

" You're so unpredictable - " he starts when he finally lets go. I'm thinking a thousand thoughts at the same time still the only words I can make out are " don't let go, please don't" I say sobbing on his shoulder. I don't know if he can make sense of my words but he keeps holding me. " I'm sorry Katniss, really " I know he is. " I'm sorry, I over-reacted it's just that ... " It's very hard to explain. " It's ok, I should have known you weren't ok with these things " he says " You couldn't" I say raising my voice a little bit, not like i'm angry just defensively. " No it's not ok Katniss. I really should have known because I haven't known you too long, I guess I just thought you felt something for me " I says softly in my ear. I still feel I'm suddenly the bad guy. You did it again Katniss hurt Peeta ! Why do I always do this. " Peeta don't say that" " It's true" he says. "Peeta I love you" I squeeze him. He stops arguing with me. He knows I meant what I said. After awhile he says " Can we just put this behind for now " I nod on his shoulder so he can feel it. In someways I hate myself for being the immature one. Running away, acting hysterically, fainting, therapy ... Peeta having to clean up the mess I made. " Wanna go home ? " he asks. " Yeah" I say. We walk in silence. Neither of us feels like talking. When we're home I make myself comfortable on the couch, Peeta just walks around not really knowing what to do. " Peeta I'm hungry" I say. " Maybe I could bake something " he grins. " Could you teach me" I say. " Sure sweetcake " he says laughing. Peeta is sometimes just too cute when he is so easy-going. I laugh. " Cake joke " he says. I find one of Peeta's white aprons. " You look good" " thanks" I feel my cheeks blushing, I turn away for a second so he won't see it. It'l just look stupid to him. " I'll get the flour, what are we baking ?" "something sweet, sugar" he says. " You're on fire with the bread jokes Peeta" I chuckle. I never enjoyed his jokes this much. All I had to do was listen for a second and let myself live in the moment " Not bad " he says. He does it again. Lightens the atmosphere between us. He knows me pretty well even though I first spoke to him 3 and a half years ago. I reach up to the flour in the cupboard. I wipe a little bit on my cheeks so he doesn't see I was blushing. When he is getting bowls and spoons and other baking stuff he notices the flour on my cheeks. " Did you already mess up ?" I don't know why this question makes me blush. Seems like this plan of mine is not working. " I guess " " Well we haven't even started" he smiles. Then he hands me a cup. It has a lot of numbers. " Ok, don't mind the numbers and put 2 full cups of flour in this bowl then I'll get the baking soda. " I have no idea what he is talking about but I do as he instructed. He makes me feel relaxed but idiotic. Obeying commands like a robot. He adds a spoonful of what he calls baking soda. He hands me a larger spoon to mix. " I happened to go to the Hob one day, guess what they had there ?" " What " I ask " Guess" " give me a hint" " Okay, something we are going to put in these small cakes which are called cupcakes." " I give up " " chocolate" he says. I remember that thing. They had it in the Capitol. " Can I taste I say " "sure" he says. He brakes a piece of the chocolate slab. It's a small square. I reach out my hand but he grabs it and says " I'll show you how you eat it." He bites the other end and signals me to do the same. This is silly I think. He bites a piece so do I. Oh chocolate ... this is so heavenly. It doesn't take long for to people to consume a square of chocolate. Each bite I take I come closer to his lips. Finally our lips meet. Collide in chocolate. It's funny kissing him while I still taste the chocolate in our mouths. But it is more delicious than I ever imagined it to be. Heavenly I want it to never end. I try to decide which tastes better his lips or the chocolate. I come to conclusion of his lips. " Good, ha ?" " Umm" I say. I'm craving more of this magnificent combination. He feeds me one more piece. " Let's leave some for the cupcakes" he laughs " Ooo" I say like a kid. Kind of like Prim when she couldn't come to school with me when I started it. Peeta heats up the stove. "We need to melt the chocolate" he says " It tastes pretty good if you dip some strawberries in we did some in the bakery " " Sounds good " I say. I start mixing the chocolate on the stove. " No, no no ! " he shouts. "What ?" I ask. " Gently " he says. He moves my arm firmly around in circles. For some reason I enjoy this feeling. Maybe baking isn't so bad after all. " You know you'll have to try hunting right ?" " Well if it's only fair that way " he says. "Looks good" he says he pours the mixture in to the bowl. I see he has added more ingredients. I don't identify them. We mix it too. Then the mixture is poured in to cups which Peeta then puts in the oven. Baking is actually a pretty romantic and relaxing activity. " We should do this more often " I say " After you've tried hunting" " Okay " he grins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be updating chapter on weekends either Saturday or Sunday depends on how busy I am. Enjoy :)


	11. Touch me slightly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss and Peeta are taking things to the next level ...  
> This chapter captures Katniss's thoughts and mixed emotions, hope I have done a good job.

Weeks go by. We bake. He bakes. I hunt. Eventually he tries hunting. He reminds me of Prim. Every time I point to a small animal he starts negotiating of it's usefulness and says maybe when it's older. When we get to big game (which we rarely see here in Seam) he starts a lecture on safety. Soon enough , just like with Prim, I give up on his hunting. Then we stick to routines. Weeks go by. We have picnics, I teach Peeta how to swim at the lake. He jokes about me seeing his body parts. "Katniss, are you sure you're ready for this ... it might be a little revealing". Always pressuring the last word, revealing. We laugh. But still we always swim in our undergarments. I feel awkward, and insecure enough like this. So I'm happy we don't have to take our clothes off. But Peeta understands, I tell him he's the only boy who has seen me in my underwear and also the only one allowed. This is my ace every time a get a hutch of him trying to go there. In the first times I had to hold him from his stomach as he held a rock. I taught him to first make circles with his legs. Just like baking. Circles. He laughs when he does them, thinks they are kind of silly, he thinks he looks silly. But I don't. I'd like to tell him that but he wouldn't believe me. He's not silly,his cute. Well today my brain is not working anyway. I don't know what insane part off my brain which was then not co-operating with my hands, started feeling Peeta's stomach. It's some power in the back of my head. It wanted to know. Surprisingly his stomach felt ... good. Very flat. Very strong. Like a wall, I could lean on to it, trust it, it won't let me fall. I moved my right hand around feeling muscles. Strong healthy muscles. Then I got this itchy sort of tinkling ticklish feeling on my index finger. Wanting to touch he's bellybutton. I ironically felt butterflies in my stomach doing so. It was like a trans my mind was in. I only put my finger in for a second. Put my hands back on his waist. Feeling the bones I never felt before. Suddenly something woke me up. Peeta. " Katniss ?" I looked around. I must have looked paralyzed. " What" I gasp hiding my face I didn't intend that coming out as a gasp. " Didn't you hear what I said " he says kindly. " No" I say looking at the bottom of the ocean embarrassedly. I'm waking up to the fact he might have been talking to him the whole time I was touching him. " What are you doing" "Nothing" the response comes automatically. " Sorry" I say, knowing he won't take "nothing" as an answer. " Don't be sorry" he says. A part of me is happy he wasn't bothered, part of intensely excited and a small part of me is confused. " It felt good " he says, it sounds a little flirtatious but clearly not intended. He's looking at me, reading my face. I smile. " Your muscles are very healthy mr. Mellark " I say imitating dr. Aurelius. " Why thank you doctor" he says imitating Effie. I suddenly feel much more comfortable. I am not sorry, I did nothing wrong. Then unexpectedly I say " You can try mine if you like" This time not imitating anyone. Peeta looks surprised but happy. He nods. I can't believe I said that I am nervous, letting him touch me. I look in his eyes as I put him down gently. This hunger in me takes over. I kiss him. I kiss him here, on a perfect day water flowing sun shining. As I'm getting on his spot he gets up and says " oh not, not there miss Everdeen or soon mrs. Mellark" playfully. That reminds me of the wedding. Maybe i am ready to marry this boy. Somehow a part of me is still just a girl. Right now just a girl in her bra and underpants. Peeta gives me a hand and helps me up. He lays me down on the grass softly kissing the tip of my nose. Before he touches me he just stares. Stares at my body.I can't help staring at his. Seeing his abs in the sunlight, looks much better than in water. I feel awkward but somehow he makes me comfortable and nervous at the same time. " You're beautiful" he says. It's like he's breathing the words. The words echo in my brain, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. " Thank you " I say softly. " Wow " I say partly accidentally. Before touching my stomach he sinks in my lips. Drowning. I don't mind our stomachs colliding. It's a good feeling. His bare skin on mine. He pulls back with a grin. He puts first his fingers on my stomach. On the first touch I get slight goosebumps. He lets me get used to them being there, he lets me see every move he makes. He makes playful circles. Circles have in some way become an inside joke to us. Not that they're funny. No they're just ... circles. He makes them around my bellybutton and says the words " It's only fair this way right ". I giggle when he gets closer. He makes more circles so the giggling would stop and it does. He feels my bellybutton. " Beautiful" he says. He begins touching my small ribs, I have gained a little weight like all the people in the district after the games. They don't look anorexic which is good. He stops the longest at my waist. I feel safe when he holds me there. He feels every muscle, some of them I must have not found my self. " Did you get enough inspiration " I tease him. " Well I certainly could paint you now, well you're stomach " he says. " Is there something else to paint " this response for some unknown reason comes automatically, like it had been waiting forever in my mind. "Yes" he says. At this very moment, in my world there is only one person him, and I trust him completely. I get up, and he gets off me. " Are we done already " he asks. This makes me laugh. I start taking my bra off. But it's stuck. " Would you ..." I say " Yes " he says. The sound he makes could be a squeal but it's too deep, I have never heard it before. I turn my back to him and he starts untying the knot on my bra. My breath, starts getting faster, each moment I know he's closer. It's like I'm having all my secrets poured out, all of me is revealed. When he gets it untied. I take my entire bra off. A swamp of butterflies suddenly burst in my stomach and it makes me scream " Wait !" I can feel my pulse. " What ? " Peeta asks. " I can't ... I mean I'm afraid" I say. " Don't look" . " It's ok Katniss " he says trying to calm me down. " You don't have to do this " he says. I let my self fall on the grass. Then he comes on top of my. He massages my back, make circles around my shoulder blades. It makes me laugh. " Are you ok, now " he asks gently. " Yeah" I say. I want to apologize. I didn't mean to frighten him. I hold my hands of my breasts and turn around so he can see my stomach. I slowly take my hands off. There I did it. He is still there on top of my stomach. Right now I'm glad he is. It keeps me stable. I close my eyes and let him look at me. When I get the nerves to open my eyes he's still looking. " Wow " he says. " What do you think " I say quietly almost whispering. " Breathtaking, beautiful" . I feel the need and urge to hug him right this moment, what if someone was looking. I squeeze him,hold him so tightly so that no one could take him away from me. Not now, not ever. Kissing my neck he asks " Can I touch ... them" My knees are weak, senseless, my head, spinning, my arms having there own goose bumps when he's not warming me up, my heart raising. And even more raising when I say " Yes " Peeta does it so softly. Not the slightest part of me could get hurt. He has strong hands. He does it like he knows every move. Like he knows what I feel comfortable with and what not. In the end to calm me down he does his circles. My world is round. His hands are round when he cups my breasts, all I see is him and circles. The rest of the time we have I lay there on top of my ticking him with grass as we talk. Talk about everything and other times stay in silence. When we leave I let him put my bra back before he does he says joking " Oh do I have to, you are more beautiful without one " This sentence seems to never leave me. And I , for the first time feel confident about my body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I somehow found time to write this ! I'm so happy. A little everlark always helps me get throw my day. :)  
> Are you an author too ? Leave me a link and I'll check out your fanfic. I don't know when the next chapter will be appearing hopefully soon.


	12. Wedding planning

Peeta helps me put my bra back. " Thanks" I say when he makes a hilarious sad face. When we walk I see him looking down, I think he can't actually be sad but then I realize from the spark of his eyes he is actually looking at my boobs. Then my eyes start examining Peeta. His beautiful blue eyes that look like the ocean and his cute little smirk on his lips. My eyes move down to his stomach, when he walks his ab muscles flex. We are still wearing our undergarments. Normally I would move then to his blonde hairy legs but my eyes stop at the middle. Stop that Katniss by brain keeps telling me but my eyes won't listen. Stop, stop, stop ! " Katniss, what are you - " he says " ummm ... I think I recognize this plant isn't it the ... the ummm" I'm desperately trying to think of something. " the cockroak" I say. He laughs. I look down embarrassedly. We get to the tree where we left our clothes. " Didn't we ..." I say in astonishment" Yep, there gone" he says. I try to look around if I could see our clothes anywhere but their gone. Nowhere to be found. " I can't believe some people are so childish !" I say.Anger just rages in me." I wonder if he/she/they where watching us. "maybe" Peeta shrugs. It bothers me that he is not the least bit concerned. " Don't you care" I ask him. " Why should I ?" I look at him, I was trying to say something. I open my mouth to speak but no words come out. The moment I see his blue eyes, my mind just goes blank. All anger I held in me a second ago is ... gone. So I stand frozen and let him continue. " obviously they just want us to get mad. So i don't bother " then he starts stuttering " and sometimes less is ... more " he smirks so shyly. I giggle. it seems to comfort him. I slowly come closer to him and he wraps he's arm around me. " With you I don't bother either" I tell him.

When we get home Effie and Haymitch are sitting on our couch in the living room. "There they are " Effie comes rushing to us but quickly decides not to hug us when she sees that we're all wet in our undergarments. " What " she says in a high-pitched voice even for Effie Trinket. " We went swimming" Peeta says calmly. " Why aren't you wearing your clothes" she asks. At that point Haymitch puts his bottle of vodka down on the table and turns. We both laugh. " Did you have a little too much fun " Haymitch says. I shoot him a look. " Someone stole our clothes" Peeta says. " oh, yeah right" Haymitch says " C'mon Haymitch" I say " So why are you here ?" I ask after a moment of silence. "We're here to help you plan the wedding" Effie says over-excitedly like a little kid but I don't want ruin the fun for her and of course I'm really excited myself and nervous too. Peeta and I exchange a look. We're both probably thinking not now." Sit down" Effie says. Effie sits next to Haymitch. But I see she's leaning against him, her perfect posture is gone for a second and then she straighten herself. "You can lean on me if you like Effie" Haymitch says " I don't mind". Peeta and I look at each other and then at Haymitch. "Do you wanna tell them" he asks Effie. " Well, I never found people in the Capitol attracting and ... one night Haymitch and I were watching television and I just realized how much he had helped me and how much he means to me ... and obviously he needs my help help to stay sober" Effie laughs in the end till then she is very emotional. " So you guys are dating" Peeta and I say at exactly the same time. " Yes" Haymitch says. " But back to your wedding" Effie says. Effie is just the type of person who doesn't like to show her emotional side.

" So I assume you kids have done some thinking a head so why don't you tell us" Effie says trying to make things less awkward for her and talk about us in her over couraging way. But for some reason, like Peeta said I don't care, I think it's actually nice. Ever since Peeta, I have cared less about little unimportant things in life. And I like that. " Well I start -" I don't have much to say because we're still right where we started "


	13. The List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we go into the planning step by step, and the only way Effie Trinket knows to do so is with a list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be posting less updates now that I'm on summer holiday, I will be doing a lot of traveling so I won't have so much time to write or update chapters but I wish you all a great holiday and I hope you enjoy this chapter if you are reading this right now :)  
> and regards from the NYC THG exhibitions I will be going to. In my opinion a must see place for all THG fans.

" Well" Effie is just about to start shouting and lecturing us when Haymitch whispers in her ear very softly. I wait anxiously. What did he say ? What ever it was it makes Effie freeze. She stays frozen. Seconds feel like minutes. What a weird situation, I say weird because awkward can't describe this correctly. A delicate soft commanding little gesture that makes everyone freeze and hold their breath. Haymitch's whisper is so quiet almost silent. I only catch the end and he said " ... give them a break"  
" Well we discuss it now" she says softly. I never thought Effie could change like this. I wouldn't believe unless I saw it with my own eyes. And I did. He has really loosened her up. 'Nice work Haymitch* I think. He smiles which means * I know right*. I nod. This is our way of telepathic communication. 

Effie searches her bag and Haymitch hands her a pen. " Alright" he says " Effie he gestures with his hand towards her. " Thank you" she says. " Let me see" Effie finds a list from her pink fluffy over decorated bag.

\- Cake ?

''I got this '' Peeta steps out raising his hand. I chuckle. He does in such a funny way like he use to back in school. Like Effie was his teacher or something. All eyes are on me. Peeta knows I got the joke. No one else in the room can get. Effie waits for me to stop laughing and Peeta just tries to make it worse. When no end seems to come. Effie puts the blame on Peeta. This situation is both awkward and funny. " Peeta stop it !" She squeaks angrily. Haymitch looks at us * seriously kids*  
I finally manage to shut it. " Thank you" Effie says sarcastically and frustratedly

 

\- Dancing ?

" We did some in the Capitol" I say. Peeta nods. I feel his gaze behind me. " Well before she went with Plutarch" Peeta ads.  
" Like I had a choice '' I reply automatically and he laughs. " What ?" I demand " Nothing it's just the way you make it sound " he says " I just say things as they are"  
" Okay calm down" he says rubbing my shoulders.

\- Vows ?

Own we reply in a choir. We then take a look at each other. To be clear we have about the vows but I'm glad we're exactly on the same page. Same sentence most probably. " Alright" she says at least one thing from her list is easy ( for her )

-Guests?

After her question an awkward silence fills the room. " Okay lets start with you Peeta" Effie announces. Everyone is looking at him. I'm begging they won't do this to him. Help Haymitch ! Do your trick and shut her up. Stupid Effie, stupid Effie shut the fuck up. But I must admit I am more anxious for Peeta's answers than her questions. I realize this will awkward at the wedding. My small family & friends would be sitting on the right and Peeta's side would be empty except for Delly Cartwright who is his childhood friend.See no family.

Peeta: " Umm ... well I have a half brother in district 5. My grandma in district 11. I don't know if she survived..." 

 

Oh no they broke him

Peeta: " the bombs" and he murmurs even quieter " or died of age"

But I know, when I look into his eyes it was the bombs.

" What's her name" Effie asks like nothing happened

" Celia Mellark Woods" he answers

" Okay, thanks Peeta then you Katniss" she says

She writes down the name in her notebook with her purple fluffy feather pen.

" Your half brother - "

" Seedam, Seedam Mellark" he says quickly

" Go on Katniss" Effie says a little shocked and surprised he didn't let her finish her question

I'm surprised he has family left. Sounds mean but I'm obviously glad he does. I'm a tiny bit disappointed and angry he never told me about them.

"My mother in district 4, Buttercup, the cat ( I add). My aunt in the Capitol. And who Peeta and I both have you guys."  
I say. I was wrong the family things go quite even. I feel like I forgot Prim from the list it seems empty without her name. And lonely without her presence. Sad because all I have are memories. Glad because most are good memories. Love because it's what you get when you combine all these feelings to one emotion, Love.


	14. Catfights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and the list continues and as it goes on a little trouble is ahead.

“okay friends?”  
I think she means the ones who are still alive. She just can’t say it. So I decide not to share my thoughts on this ever so happy theme -death- we have. But I do say “ Johanna Mason, Gale Hawthorne”  
I say the last one unsurely. Part of me wants to see him … desperately. But I don’t know. And I don’t think my wedding would be the best place. I’m scared of uncomfortable awkward moments. “ And Katniss’s dear friend Plutarch Heavensbee” Peeta gives me a push with his elbow laughing slightly. “ Oh, would you already stop that” I say pushing him back with mine.  
“ And I almost forgot - I say drumming on the table with my hands- President Paylor” . Although respect Paylor she will never really be president from my point of view she was my “friend and helping” and in thirteen but I just can’t look at her in that way. “ And Beetee” Peeta adds   
“ Yeah why not every victor who is alive” I summerise  
“ And Peeta’s friend Delly Cartwright. I think she has earned her invitation, she has been so kind and helpful and so on” I say.  
Peeta looks at me. He is probably thinking how I knew or remembered Delly.  
“ and of course Gale’s family” 

To have a party, you ___ a lot more people” Effie says arrogantly  
That’s the final straw, now she’s PITYING us?  
“ Oh I’m sorry that all our loved ones just happened to die !” -  
“ No need to get angry Katniss. I’m only here to help. I’m sorry if -”  
Peeta sees that I’m fed up, ready to punch Effie and her little smart Capitol ass. He grasps my hands and places his arms around my stomach.” Fuck you Effie, you never lost anything! Stop acting so god damn fancy and get the HELL OUT of MY HOUSE!  
“ Manners !” Haymitch shouts  
“ I think you both have very inappropriate word choice now would you shut the FUCK up! ”   
…..

“Thank you” he says as a few moments of silence has passed, “ Effie, honey let me deal with this, okay?” He says.

“ Actually no -” he says with a grin “ why don’t I go talk upstairs with Peeta here, and you too work things out, good ?” 

“ Okay, Katniss ?” Peeta asks me. Then he leans in but slowly turns his lips to my ear putting my hair behind my ear. I get shivers running through me as he does so. The end of his fingertips slightly touching my ear. Then he whispers “ please “, he says it in the softest tone, the most innocent tone, the loveliest tone I have ever heard anybody say please. That one word, one word, changes, my mind. Like he is hypnotising me. But somehow when he says it, things don’t seem as bad as they are. Maybe we can work it out. Maybe we can make this work out. This whole thing. Suddenly when I’m occupied with my little flow of thoughts his lips are on my lips and then his tongue in my mouth. I let my guard down for a second and let it be. Just me and him. Me and Peeta. Then as soon as he came in he pulls out. I’m back in this horrible not so horrible world I don’t know anymore. Away from the world with Peeta. “ See you soon” he kisses me on the cheek and his gone.

…  
“ Sorry” Effie says. Silence.  
“ I forgive you” I say and I mean it this time. I can’t think of what to say.  
“ I’m sorry too, Effie, I over reacted”  
“ A little” laughs. A totally new laugh a laugh I actually kind of like. Suites her.  
“ But you’re right Katniss. Nothing ever happens to me. I’m no mockingjay. I’m not brave.”  
she tiers up.  
“ No Effie, you are” I gently awkwardly pat her shoulder.  
“ No I’m not! I can’t think of anything brave I did, ever.”  
“ You choose very bold outfits. You took a chance in love. You came to District 13. You waited in the bombshelter. You helped me with the rebellion. You’re right you’re not the Mockingjay. But that doesn’t mean you’re not brave. You’re more like the Jabberjay” I smile after my speech which seems to have convinced her. “ And is that not brave, Jabberjay?”   
She smiles kindly. “ You don’t have to answer, yes it is ?” I tell her.  
“Do you wanna play chess?”  
“ Alright” she finally says says “ might as well do something while waiting”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :) sorry there has been such a long break. More chapters will be posted weekly from now on. Hope you enjoyed and feel free to give feedback in the comment sections. That would be great!


	15. Dating is a funny word ( Love is complicated)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't wanna spoil anything but this is like the last prepoeration chapter if you are already getting bored of these maybe I'm a little too. SO soon the real deal ... SO excited. Long time no fanfic Great to be back in the biz.

After Effie is loosened up up I get the courage to ask  
" So you and Haymitch ... what's like the deal between you guys"  
Oh, I'm so terrible at these kind of questions. I have screwed it up already but I keep going.  
" I mean where you at?" I mumble.  
Effie looks confused. She opens her mouth slightly but closes it again.  
I rephrase my question " How long have you been dating"  
Dating such a funny word. I never dated anybody. Me and Peeta we just got along after awhile and the we got along better, and better.  
" Three weeks" Effie says  
" Wow congratulations"  
" Thank you" She says " so Katniss if we're doing personal questions may I ask you something ?"  
" Go ahead Effie, bring it on!" I laugh  
" So how long have you and Peeta taken this marriage thing seriously, last time I had heard it was a joke"  
I think for a moment. Oh the memories from the conversations in the train with Peeta. Tough question like all love question. I don't want to be clishe'.  
" It's complicated" I say. That's what my father used to tell me when I asked how could he love mom if they were fighting. My grandma used to say " What kind of love isn't complicated? Real love is complicated"

" Well, I knew with no doubt my then that our love was real and I kept thinking how could I prove to him I think so and I want to be with him forever and always. And if there is one thing in this world that can tie us together it is marriage"  
I'm amazed by my sudden words. I wasn't thinking of saying anything, the words just came out of my mouth. So naturally. 

Finally I realize that during the whole time I was talking I was rolling my pearl in my hand back and forth.  
" Isn't that -?"  
" Yes, the pearl Peeta gave me"I finish for her.  
She smiles. " You're really lucky Katniss, you know that sometimes it may not seem like it but you are"  
" I know" I answer.

There are so many questions I'd like to ask Effie but I don't think I should get too personal. I mean ... Small talk is good after a little fight.

We continue playing chess and chit-chat or "girl talk" as Effie likes to call it. Then we hear Haymitch and Peeta walking down the stairs laughing so hard you can't possibly miss them. I hear Peeta saying " And then I put yeast in the beer ..." And they both burst into laughter again.

" So how's the planning going boys" Effie asks hands crossed.  
" Great just great" Haymitch says patting Peeta on the back.  
" Since we're all here now -" Effie starts  
" Oh yes Katniss" I turn to her not knowing what to expect " Would you like to sing at the ceremony ?"

" I don't know Effie I-"  
" C'mon Katniss you have a beautiful voice. Honey please just one song" Peeta says

I give up, I'll lose anyway. " Okay fine, but only one song dare suggest I sing too and you'll have to forget the whole thing.

"Unbelievable, Awesome !" Effie screams.

" Portia and I will do the make up and we're all set, don't worry kids we'll take care of everything"

" No" I shout a little louder than intended.  
"What now" The three of them say in a quire  
" I don't want any fancy make-up" I say  
" Katniss you don't get it" Effie begins to explain  
" No Effie you don't get it! It's our wedding" I say and point at me and Peeta.

" Fine let's ask ask Peeta" she says.  
Peeta looks confused. I'm guessing he doesn't want to get into this or he wasn't listening.

" Elegant or the other thing ?" Effie asks

" I think I have to have to agree with Katniss this time" he says  
" Take that" I say to Effie but she isn't done.  
" Which is?"  
" ah let's just stop this okay honey ?" Haymitch  
" Fine" Effie says.

" okay, thanks a lot guys " We hug them. " See you at the wedding" We wave to them.  
" Wait" I shout. First I go hug Effie one more time. " Sorry, I'm just really anxious about the wedding. Don't hate me okay?"  
" I never have Katniss" she laughs. "Haymitch ?" I say  
" Yes, sweetheart?" he asks.  
" " You know traditionally the father would give away the bride to the groom?"  
" Yes?"  
" You know my father is -  
dead. Would you like to give me to Peeta. It would mean alot"

" It would be an honour miss Everdeen" he says and kisses my hand like a gentleman.  
Haymitch could almost be my father. Almost.

And Effie my stepmother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review. Your comments are always appreciated :)


	16. Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta and Katniss are working late night on their invitations when suddenly Katniss receives a text from Effie telling her she and Peeta must leave the house.

I walk back to Peeta and we wave to Haymitch and Effie one more time. When they're out of sight Peeta asks me a what did I talk about with them. I reply shortly and mysteriously " You'll find out "  
He's not done yet " And the hand kiss" I just laugh. " Why did you tell them I should sing ?" " Because you're amazing" He says kissing me.  
I know it's just to shut me up or maybe it isn't maybe it's because we're tired of these conversations. I'm not a very talkative person. Less talking is better for me. Suddenly I feel energetic. Passionate. Full of life. I lead him to the bedroom. Peeta sits on the side and sighes " I'm so sorry Katniss we don't have time we must plan the wedding" then he lightens up and asks " Since when did you ah never mind".  
I see Peeta has a point. He probably thought that I wanted to have ... NO! I just wanted to lay with him. But it's true I'm loosing control of myself. My first thoughts were just that I need to show Peeta that our love is real.  
Later on I have been living with the idea life can go on when I have Peeta. One day I realized I need him as much as he needs me. And now for the first time there is something like demand from my body to have Peeta.   
Sometimes I feel I'm going crazy. I want Peeta, all of Peeta. But I know his right we must plan the wedding now. I also know what Haymitch meant when he said " The ice queen is finally melting" If I had the courage I would tell him I am melting. 

We spend the evening working late on the invitations cuddled up on the couch. My hand is hurting. To the ceremony itself very few are invited if you compare it to the amount of people that Effie has invited to her huge late night after party. This is the best compromise we could come up with. Peeta takes a break and decides to cook dinner. He asks me to help but I tell him I would much rather warm his seat. " Fine " he shrugges. 

 

\---

" Peeta"   
" What"   
" I just got a text from Effie agh I just hate that okay I won't say it"   
" What'd she say"   
" Hello kids ! How are the invites ? Tomorrow I will have my people at your apartment. They will be there at 4:00 AM. You need to get out. Sorry for such short notice.  
P.S. They will spend the whole day there. So you two lovebirds spend some alone time.  
Love you *kisses* Call Haymitch   
\- Effie

" 4 AM ?" Peeta shouts   
" Yup" I nod   
" I don't wake up until 12" " I'll wake you Peeta. But the real question is what are we gonna do all the time we're not home"  
" Sleep" he laughs " Not funny. I'll call Haymitch. When's dinner?"   
" About fifteen minutes" he says

\--- 

Phone call:

Haymitch: Hello  
Katniss: Hi ! Listen Haymitch, I just got a text form Effie and she said me and Peeta should be outta our house by 4 AM. And now it's 9 o'clock and I have no idea where we could go. Oh yeah and she said to call you"  
Haymitch: 4 AM * laughing* I gotta be outta here by 2:30AM. That's why I'm just packing.  
Katniss: Where are you going?  
Haymitch: Correction: you mean where are WE going  
I'll tell ya sweetheart, we're going to a golfing club. I gotta a hotel reserved for a few nights there.  
Katniss: Okay ... I don't know what to say. Will you pick us up ?  
Haymitch: Yeah sure, I'll be there at 2 AM. Pack your clothes and whatever you need

click.

I had absolutely no time for questions. I must admit I am curious and a bit excited what will be ahead yet I have no intention nor motivation to leaving the house. 

"Who will pick us up ?" Peeta asks from the kitchen  
" Who do you think" I say and start setting the table.  
"Haymitch ?"   
" Yup"  
"Where are we going" He asks  
" To some golf club. And he'll be here at 2AM to pick us up so we have to pack so let's eat fast"

When we have finished dinner I look at the time. " 12:30, let's get going" 

I pack mainly just clothes. A pack plenty because I have no idea how long Effie and her people intend on staying here. I also pack a book in case I get bored. It's called " Out of the woods" and it's actually very interesting. It's a rare story based  
on historic events. Not so long ago written though. For a long time I think whether or not should I take my bow. In the end I decide not to. I see Peeta picking out a card game.

Before we know it it's 2 AM. We both hurry and drag our luggage outside where a van is waiting for us.   
" Just on time" Haymitch shouts  
" Come on in" and he opens the door. Peeta locks all the doors and follows after me.   
So just like that we're out.It's so dark outside I can't see where we're going. I decide to try to get some sleep and I lean on Peeta's shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it :)  
> Please comment/review


	17. I wake up, or I'm not sure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is a shorter chapter takes a little time to get back to long writing :)  
> Anyway I hope you will enjoy it ;)
> 
> BTW: My promise for the New Year was to finish my story

I wake up, or I'm not sure. Everything is blurry. I a hear a familiar voice. "Damn she's been sleeping a long time." " She'll be up in an hour" the other voice, the more comforting voice says. “ Wanna bet ?” the first one challenges 

47 minutes later … 

“HAHHHAAAAhhhh, I won” Peeta shouts. I look at him. “ Good morning Katniss” he smiles “Oh yeah the bet” I murmur.“ How did you know” he asks “ I heard” I reply. “Katniss, that’s a sign of restless sleep” Peeta sounds worried. He is cute when he is worried. “ We can’t tell Effie” Haymitch says “ Are you stressed sweetheart ?”. “ Please don’t call her that” Peeta commands. “ Guys is this really the right time?” I cut in aiming to stop there argument. “No, you’re right honey” Peeta says. I kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you” I say “ To be honest, yes Effie has been a little troubling lately with all the organizing and stuff” “ Not to be doctorly or something Katniss I think the best cure for this is sleep but I’ll have to contact your mother, can’t risk you being sick” Haymitch states. 

“How long till we get there” I ask “ About 2 hours” Haymitch says. “ So now that sleepy’s awake should we put some music guys ?” “Sure” Peeta says, I nod. “ So my grandma who recently passed away gave me these cds before the dark days” “I’ll have a look” I grin. “Okay, we’ve got, the Beatles yuck, Abba, Natalie Imbruglia, Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift.” “Taylor Swift sounds interesting” Peeta says. I put the cd in the player. “Wow, I’ve never listened to music like this, Isn’t it weird Peeta we have won the hunger games, twice flown hovercrafts, been on trains, made speeches, done interviews but never listened to music” I say. And we all laugh. Track one: Wildest Dreams. Interesting I think I like her. “ I think that song could be about me” Peeta says smiling at the ground “ Don’t say that, we’re getting married” 

The next time I wake I am in bed. In a white room. I hate white rooms, they remind me of Snow, of Prim how pure she was, of white roses, of doctors and of district 13. Then someone I would never expect, walks in the room. “AURELIUS !” I shout. “ Hi Katniss” he says. “ What are you doing here ?” “What do you think, I wouldn’t miss the wedding of my patient” he laughs “ Come on doc” I say “ Well there might be another reason I’m here” he says “ You seem to be infected somehow I don’t know what it is so today you’re going to get some rest, and I’ll run some tests” he says “ Poetry much” I say “ It’s been a hobby of mine” he says “ I got you some herb tea” “Thanks” I say. I take a sip of tea. It’s hot and very tasteless. I’m questioning if it even has any herbs in it. “ So … how long will I be resting here” I ask “ That all depends on you Katniss, anyway I gotta go now so I’ll see you later. If you look on your table you’ll find a phone with only one number on it. It’s mine. So you can call me if you need anything. Okay?”  
“ Will do” I answer. And he’s gone. So I’m infected I think, well could be worse right ? I wonder if Peeta knows. What about Haymitch and Effie ?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. If you write fanfic too, I'd be happy to check it out. The next chapter will be include Haymitch. This first chapter for me just summarizes the last pages of mocking jay. In some ways I think of this as the fourth Hunger Games. But I know it's just a fanfic. Hope you liked it :)


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